IC contact. Drift Fleet.

[edwinjarvis]

 

 

Hello, this is Edwin Jarvis; I'm unable to answer the phone at the moment, but leave a message and I assure you I will respond as soon as possible.

Comments

action; sometime during the draft

[ahappylie]

[So, Okita took like, 20 flamingos.


And one morning, Jarvis will wake up and find one sitting right outside his room as if it moved there of its own volition. It even has its eye turned so it looks right at him when he opens the door.

Good morning, Jarvis.]

[edwinjarvis]

[YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY DREADFUL MR. SOUJIROU AND I WILL NOT FORGET THIS SLIGHT AGAINST MY PERSON I AM O F F E N D E D AND I AM AIRLOCKING ALL OF THEM MARK MY WORDS]

[ahappylie]

[If you airlock them, he'll just bring them back but wearing blankets and with a tear drawn on their faces so they look sad that you threw them out into the cold unforgiving void of space.


There is no escape.

[edwinjarvis]

[V E R Y W E L L

He will be hiding and wait to catch you, sir, just you watch.

He will point the finger at this flamingo tormentor when he does, too!!]

[ahappylie]

[He's already off the ship, Jarvis. Come and get him.

]

[edwinjarvis]

[One of these days he will nab you, villain.

... Or he'll, you know, just send a message.]

Mr. Soujirou, we are all adults here, are we not?

This is getting quite — silly! The flamingo torture must stop!

[ahappylie]

[What? He did nothing of the sort!]

Flamingo torture?

[hehehheehehEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH]

Jarvis-san, what are you talking about?

[edwinjarvis]

Mr. Soujirou, [if i say your name crossly enough many times will you admit it all] there are only so many people I actually gave those terrible little flamingos to.

[And one of them has left the fleet, soooooo.]

[ahappylie]

[if Hijikata Toshizou cannot get this man to break, Jarvis, there is little hope anyone else can.]

Oh? But I gave all of mine away.

[Aka, I hid one on your ship and then squirreled the rest away in hiding spots around the Goldstone.]

Why? Did something happen?

[edwinjarvis]

... There is something utterly dastardly in your act of innocence.

[damn u, okita, damn u to heckie]

[ahappylie]

[he was already going to heckie, so this just hastens his journey]

I didn't realize innocence could be dastardly. Did the flamingos do something to you again, Jarvis-san? Another sponsor drop perhaps?

1/2 double the face

[edwinjarvis]

[edwinjarvis]

Perhaps I should put them in an incinerator on the next waystation we visit, then.

[ahappylie]

You could, but what if the ghosts of the flamingos come back to haunt you. You wouldn't want to be haunted by dead flamingos, would you?

[edwinjarvis]

..............

Mr. Soujirou, are we not mature adults here? This must stop.

[ahappylie]

Are we?

[No, seriously, are they?]

And stop what? Having a nice conversation?

[edwinjarvis]

[HEAD IN HANDS.

He doesn't even have the heart to deny treats for this gross sin against him.

Alas!!]

A nice conversation indeed. Perhaps we can negotiate flamingo removal in exchange for snacks?

[ahappylie]

[This is how he gets to you, Jarvis. He finds your weak point and exploits it.]

Oh! If you would like help in keeping the flamingos away, I'm sure I can figure something out to help you in exchange for a treat or two as a reward.

[This is not as he wanted, but he will 100% take it.]

[edwinjarvis]

[... Phew.

Blessed day.]

I am more than willing to offer edible goods for your flamingo-thwarting services.

[You hooligan.]

[ahappylie]

I'll do my best then.

[For cake.]

But I can't guarantee that I'll be able to stop all of them. As you said, they're very dastardly birds.

[edwinjarvis]

Well. The amount of edible goods will be certainly tied to how may flamingos elude your skillful eye.

[ahappylie]

I see! So the more flamingos I keep from your ship, the more I'll be rewarded?

[Meaning he could just...lie about how many he's kept away.]

[edwinjarvis]

More along the lines of starting with a maximum number of treats and watching them dwindle down for every flamingo that escapes your sight.

[NICE TRY]

[ahappylie]

Well, you'll have to inform me of the maximum number and how much each period of time is before they replenish.

[edwinjarvis]

Hmm.

What do you suppose a fair maximum number is?